Am I a Fraud?
The world wide web is a wonderful place. You meet people from all over the world, see a glimpse into their lives and maybe even learn a thing or two.
One great blog I came across yesterday is Work it Mom. I haven’t had a proper chance to have a good look around there lately, but what I have seen is impressive. Particularly this post by Nataly. She talks about the “imposter syndrome”, women feel out of their depth, like they’re going to be found out any second.
I feel that a lot. Not just here on the blog, but in every job I’ve felt out of my depth (with the possible exception of check-out-chick, although a few incidents had me questioning whether or not I could add up correctly). When people look at me and say “you have 3 kids, study, swim and ….. “. I’m not supermum. My kids are fantastic and we spend a lot of time together, but I don’t read to them as often as I should. I don’t take them to the park to play more than once a week.
My house sometimes appears clean and tidy, but it’s superficial at best. At uni I sound knowledgable, but a lot of the time I make it up, or fudge my way through.
Even here I don’t share everything. Partially because I know who reads, but also because I don’t want to appear less than Supermum. If I don’t at least hold the facade together, will everthing else fall apart? If I can’t convince you I’m coping with it all how can I possibly convince myself?
That’s not to say I’m not holding it all together, but I have my moments wondering when exactly it was that I lost my mind. I’m always behind on the washing, dinner is often defrosted in the microwave at 5:30 in the afternoons, and my bedroom is a mess.
I guess that makes me human then? But shhh! Don’t tell anyone!
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You’re very human. Supermum doesn’t exist. Here’s a dinner hint. You menu plan, right? Before going to bed, take a look at tomorrow’s menu, get the necessary ingredients out of the freezer and defrost it in the fridge overnight. Then you can start the cooking process at the time you would normally start the defrosting process. You’ve saved about 30-40 minutes. Same deal with desserts or snacks if you keep ready made ones in the freezer.
Your place sounds a lot like mine. Except when my kids were little the only time we went to the park was when they played on the equipment at Playgroup. Does that count????? And I have almost the same distractions as you - Uni and housework, and 4 days of work per week. We are lucky to be home before 5.30 so there is no way that dinner would be defrosted before then, if it needed defrosting.
We all do what we can and like River said, there is no such thing as Supermum. Hang in there.
Good post. It’s interesting that you mention the impostor syndrome.
Over 20-years ago, I saw Paul Newman in an interview say that he always had the feeling that someone was going to come through the crowd, take him by the arm and say, “It’s over Newman. It’s all been a mistake. You’re coming back to paint houses.”
When he said that, I immediately understood the feeling. Later I learned that he was describing the impostor syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling that you are not as smart, talented, or skilled as people think you are. It’s the feeling that you are a fake and have been getting away with something and are about to be found out. It affects 70% of adults and is especially prevalent in high achieving women.
I’ve spent the past two decades living with and learning about this common condition.
The Impostor Syndrome is a fascinating topic and the subject of my new book, “The Impostor Syndrome: How to Replace Self-Doubt with Self-Confidence and Train Your Brain for Success.”
http://www.TheImpostorSyndrome.com
Being supermum must be boring I reckon……. always having everything under control and running smoothly…….
Honey if you’re a fraud then we all must be!!
I think we have very high expectations of our selves. My mum stayed with me recently (she had four children also) and she said she felt that it was much more demanding to be a mum now than when she did it. I wish the word “supermum” wasn’t even in our vocabulary - it is a media myth.
I do what I have to do. 90% of the time muttering under my breath.
I don’t think SuperMums exist. They are ALL a facade.
You are doing more than a lot of mums, I cannot remember the last time I went to the park…
[...] commented on my post the other week about taking the meat out of the freezer before bed the night before, rather than pulling it out at [...]